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ACOTAR (A Court of Thorns and Roses) REVIEW

6/30/2016

5 Comments

 
ACOTAR, A Court of Thorns and Roses, ACOMAF, A Court of Mist and Fury, Sarah J Maas, YA, Young Adult, Fantasy, YA Fantasy, Best YA of 2016, YA Releases of 2016, Best-selling Author, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Nelou Keramati, Goodreads Author
OPENING REMARKS:

I had not intended for this review to be this long, but it seems like I had a lot to say about it.

The first segment will be general observations about the narrative. The following segments will mention character names and refer to specific incidents/quotes, and are thus in SPOILER territory.

If you have not read the book yet, please ensure you stop reading before the spoiler section (denoted with *****) begins.
​
ACOTAR REVIEW:

A review is more often than not nothing more than an opinion, yet I feel that the issues I’m about to raise are not about personal taste. For example, some readers adore love-triangles, and others loathe them. If an author chooses to incorporate a love-triangle in their story, they must do it convincingly. If they choose to incorporate crude language, sexuality, and violence, they must do so with purpose and not just to grab a reader’s attention. Readers are intelligent. They can tell if a scene or an incident in a story is acting as filler, propels the plot in an inorganic manner, or serves as an element of shock.


POV:


The story is told in first-person perspective, through the eyes of a human girl named Feyre. The problem with first person narration is that the reader experiences exactly what the protagonist experiences. We see/hear/feel/taste as the protagonist does. So when the protagonist sees something dangerous (and fully acknowledges it as dangerous), she cannot then <i>act</i> as though it isn’t dangerous, because that would be implausible.

In third person perspective, we are not in the character’s head, so there is always a possibility that the character has misinterpreted the danger ahead. But when in first-perspective narration a character goes on and on about how lethal their enemy is, it is not believable for them to mouth off or say something snide. This doesn’t make the character brave. It makes them appear foolish; too foolish and devoid of common sense for a reader to be able to root for them.
​
A good character does not need to be ‘good’. They don’t need to have honor/integrity. They can be vicious and cruel. They can be weak and cowardly. What makes a character real and relatable is authenticity; that their character traits, motivations, desires, fears, and behaviours match. If they think cowardly thoughts, they must take cowardly actions. If they are arrogant, it should often translate into behavior/dialogue. But when characters are forced to say things out of character, or when they behave contrary to their inner thoughts/beliefs, they become intolerable plot-devices. Their speech and behavior becomes contrived and the reader loses interest in their fate.

That is what happened with the protagonist of this story. Changes in her thoughts and behavior were erratic, irrational, and uncalled for. She did not have a smooth arc that stemmed from personal growth, an incident, or an epiphany. She was hard-headed not out of principle, which didn’t make her a strong female character, but an aggravating one.
 
A major issue I had with this book was the fact that for the first ¾ of the book, virtually nothing happened. The protagonist is held captive in the lap of luxury and makes defiant small talk with her amiable captors. Any time she enquires about something, she is refused clarity in a passive manner, and so instead of suspense, the story quickly began to lose steam. It was boring at best, and irritating at worse.

What I found especially off-putting was how after two dozen chapters of a particular character uttering one or two short sentences at a time, keeping the protagonist in the dark and refusing to provide information, there is suddenly a 21-page info-dump; 21 pages of long, expositional paragraphs that read dryly, as though being regurgitated by a drone. It’s unfortunate because these 21 pages of backstory could have been sprinkled throughout the story in order to build suspense/anticipation. Instead the reader is simply waiting during the first 200 or so pages of the book as the protagonist eats lunch, takes walks, eats dinner, skips breakfast, rides on horses, avoids making conversation, drinks, eats, tries to steal a butter knife at breakfast, thinks about painting, remembers painting back at home, attempts painting, fails at painting, admires other paintings.


******************* FROM THIS POINT ON, SPOILERS MAY BE EMBEDDED IN THE STORY *******************


CONCERNS WITH THE PLOT:
​

A ‘life for a life’ is the same adage as ‘an eye for an eye’. But what makes this adage powerful is the notion that one ‘pays’ for their actions by enduring the same fate as the person they wronged. In this instance, since Feyre killed a wolf (a High Fae in disguise), her punishment should’ve been death, not captivity. Now, I can fully sympathize with the punisher’s choice to show mercy; to decide to lessen the punishment they are entitled to dole out. But what didn’t make sense is the high lord claiming there is no way around the ‘Treaty’ and that Feyre must pay for her crime, and then diminishing the value of the Treaty by not adhering to its stipulations.

Onto the notion of Feyre’s captivity as atonement: Had Feyre been confined to a dark cell, or had she been forced to work as a lowly maid, I would’ve found the High Fae Tamlin to be generous and merciful for sparing her life. But when Feyre, an allegedly lowly human is ‘sentenced’ to an eternally beautiful spring court and a lavish lifestyle at a palace, well-fed, treated with respect, and waited on by a personal maid, I have a hard time viewing her circumstances as punishment. Especially since the ‘wolf’ she killed wasn’t just any High Fae. He was a close friend of Tamlin’s. This scenario risks the possibility that the reader resents Feyre; she committed what is deemed to be an unforgivable crime, and she is in a way being rewarded for it. Conversely, this arrangement between the two makes Tamlin appear weak for not enforcing the Treaty as he was required to. It makes his actions questionable, making him an unbelievable character with no genuine motivations.

In spite of tremendous wealth and comfort, Feyre attempts to escape on multiple occasions. I had a difficult time tolerating this behaviour because her reasoning for wanting to escape made little sense. She thinks very low of her father because he has done virtually nothing to support Feyre and her sisters. Her sisters are selfish, shallow, and blatantly cruel to her. The author makes it very clear through Feyre’s interactions with her sister Nesta (and her inner thoughts) that she wishes she didn’t have to support her family. Furthermore, the author never displays any redeeming quality in Feyre’s family for the readers to believe Feyre cares about them to any extent. In fact, Feyre’s thoughts repeatedly mention that had it not been for her promise to her cold-hearted mother, she’d want to leave and be elsewhere. Because of the hostile conditions of Feyre’s status quo, risking escape through the lethal forest lining the immortal land of Prythian (to get back to her shack of a home and a family she obviously resents) was quite unbelievable, and frankly, frustrating.


FEYRE’S PAINTING:


The entire first act of the novel, Feyre dismisses beauty as something useless that cannot aid her in survival. Yet from the moment she arrives at the court, every other page she mentions how she’d like to paint. Her preoccupation with art became rather irritating when under life-threatening circumstances, she’d have a random thought concerning painting. For example, she is thrown at the feet of evil Queen Amarantha who could kill her at a moment’s notice, and Feyre’s thought over the Queen’s evilness is: “to paint her would have driven me to madness.” Painting should be the last thing that comes to someone’s mind when their life is hanging in the balance. Too many instances Feyre’s inner monologue interrupts the flow of the story with truly insignificant thoughts.

In all fairness, Feyre’s obsession with painting was likely meant to be a replacement for reading. As a twist to the classic ‘Beauty and the Beast’ tale where Belle is different from other girls due to her intelligence, Feyre is illiterate. Now, I believe it’s the author’s prerogative to retell this story any way they want. But if painting is to be a crucial part of Feyre’s identity, it needs to be more than a shallow depiction of “so much light, so much color.” Without any deep meaning behind painting, the concept becomes vague, and the activity turns into a cheap distraction for the protagonist. If Feyre’s preoccupation with painting stemmed from her need to capture moments of her fleeting mortality, or the need to remember the face of a deceased loved one, or to remember the beauty of a home she’s lost, the readers would deeply empathize with her character. Painting would become an incredibly powerful plot device, symbolizing emotional turmoil, grief, hope, and solitude. Instead, painting remains a simple excuse for Feyre to open up to Tamlin when he offers her brushes and canvases; in a way, he ‘buys’ her affection. This is especially problematic since Feyre thus far had been completely blind to Tamlin’s mercy, generosity, kindness and integrity, and it is only when he facilitates a ‘hobby’ of hers that the ‘attraction/flirting’ between the two commences; attraction which comes far too suddenly, far too strongly, and deepens in the absence of any meaningful conversation/interaction.


BEAUTY AND THE BEAST and ACOTAR COMPARISON:


Like I’ve mentioned, I believe any author is free to make any changes to a classic tale as they wish. What I find a cause for concern, however, is when the story is ‘sold’ as a ‘retelling’ when the premise strays too far from deep attributes that made the original a classic:

Belle is smart and well-read, whereas Feyre is illiterate.

Belle selflessly loves her father (who is a brilliant inventor and loves his daughter in return). Feyre resents he father who sits around and does nothing, and is always at odds with her sister, Nesta.

Belle is unimpressed by Gaston’s beauty. Feyre is incessantly talking about Tamlin’s perfect jaw, his tanned skin, green eyes, golden hair and muscular body. Whatever shade of green there is in the world it seems Feyre has compared Tamlin’s eyes to.

Belle risks her life to find her father, then sacrifices her freedom for him. Feyre kills a wolf Faery out of blind hate and ignorance, and her punishment for this is being captive at a luxurious spring court, waited on by magical folk and her family being more than provided for.

Belle escapes because the beast becomes violent and terrifies her. Feyre plots and tries to escape for no plausible reasons beyond ‘keeping a promise’.

Belle gives the beast an even trade: ‘a captive for a captive’, and he accepts her request begrudgingly. Tamlin claims ‘a life for a life’, but instead of killing Feyre, he brings her to the court and hopes she will fall in love with him so that he can be free of his curse, which plays as dishonest, and borders on manipulation.

The beast is an actual beast, inside and out. He is arrogant, short-tempered, cruel, ugly, and immature. Tamlin’s curse is a mask covering the top half of his face (and slightly diminished powers). He is impossibly attractive in spite of it as we are repeatedly reminded, the only beastly thing about him being his claws. He is generous, forgiving, kind, polite, mature, and well-dressed; and he rarely (ever, actually) transforms into his beast form after his first encounter with Feyre.

Belle, despite the beast’s dominating personality, stands up for herself with grace and dignity. She teaches him to be well-mannered, patient, and kind. Feyre, instead of being grateful for everything Tamlin has done for her, repeatedly insults him. She antagonizes him despite her running inner dialogue of how dangerous he is and how quickly he could “shred her to ribbons.”

The beast grows from Belle’s behavior and shows her vulnerability. Over the course of months, they slowly get to know one another. They slowly fall in love with each other’s souls, not appearance. Feyre is completely oblivious to everything, rude and crude, and the moment Tamlin offers her a place to paint, she begins to fall in love with him. Their dynamic which was stiff and underdeveloped for roughly 100 pages is suddenly romantic, flirty, and lustful, and from then on, Feyre is repeatedly objectified.

Beauty and the Beast is a beautiful story about growth, honor, integrity, self-sacrifice, and ultimately, love. A Court of Thorns and Roses has similar plot elements, but with respect to growth, intelligence, and integrity, I’ve had a difficult time drawing correlations.


THE AUTHOR’S WRITING STYLE:


Maas’s descriptions are beautiful. Stunning even. And the faeries themselves were creatively described. I thoroughly enjoyed the way she conjures imagery in the reader’s mind. There were however some notable issues, mostly having to do with era-appropriate dialogue and descriptions:

For example: In a world where we speak of high lords and high ladies, where people live in shacks, villages, and palaces, hunt for a living and speak old English, the following stand out as glaringly modern and unbecoming:

“Having the balls to even ask…”
Referring to the coachman directing a horse-carriage as the “driver.”
“My father was throwing a ball at our home.”

In addition to the aforementioned words that belong to modern dialogue, there were many contemporary slang phrases that did not fit the ‘world’ of ACOTAR. Replacing words of an idiom with classic synonyms is ineffectual. What we deem as sarcasm is a modern phenomenon, and when characters in an old-era fantasy speak these ‘adapted’ idioms, the dialogue sounds synthetic, or worse yet, the characters sound like urban teenagers.

The author too often breaks a sentence and repeats the words surrounding the ellipses/dashes, like:

“All this—all this he had done for me.”
“He said he would come… come to the festivities.”
“And he knew—he knew I’d say no.”
“I—I don’t know.”


FEYRE’S BEHAVIOR:


Too often Feyre impulsively blurts out something outrageously inappropriate, then immediately thinks, “I surely will be killed for that.” And yet she continues to behave in this ludicrous manner over and over again. This can be quite frustrating for the reader to put up with. The author best avoid giving graphic descriptions of just how dangerous the High Fae can be through the protagonist’s own voice, and then have that same protagonist behave in a completely contradictory manner to their own thoughts and beliefs. She “barks” insults at Tamlin and Rhysand, calling them names, but takes offence to absolutely everything, even when their statements are completely innocent.

She insists on not believing/appreciating Tamlin taking care of her family and providing for him. She insists on putting her life in danger in order to escape, even though Tamlin has done nothing to instill doubt in her mind regarding his intentions.

Feyre has known her entire life, an further warned by the maid in the palace not to enter the forest for it is filled with dangerous faeries that would kill her in a blink. And yet she does this multiple times in order to get ‘answers’. Answers she (for some reason) refuses to ask of good-mannered Tamlin who is clearly eager to please her. It’s implausible for a character to repeatedly raise the same question in her head as if it’s of vital importance, and refuse to obtain the answer from the easiest imaginable source because of her pride.

It is never established why either Tamlin or Rhysand fall for Feyre. She isn’t described as a great beauty. She is illiterate and ill-mannered. Her personality is often repulsive (the sort only fiction tolerates as acceptable for a person).
Amarantha, the villain in this story is evil for the sake of being evil. No depth or layers to her. She wants Tamlin, only Tamlin and no one else, and tortures Feyre and other women out of spite. She appears far too late in the narrative and despite the hype around her powers (and half a century of domination over thousands of powerful faeries and High Lords) she is easily defeated at the end of the story by her minions. This was problematic because she is introduced far too late into the story for her crippling grip on Prythian to feel like a real threat.


WHAT I ENJOYED:


The beginning of the book was the most enchanting to me. Maas’s descriptions of snow, of the cold, of the cold and barren forest and the dangers lurking in the niveous labyrinth were eloquent, beautiful, spellbinding.
The conversation between Rhysand and Feyre in the cell. Rhysand isn’t that complex of a character, but there was more dimension (a duality) to him than most characters.
The trials: they were imaginative, fast-paced, and the way Feyre completed them was witty (Rhysand’s involvement was plausible and clever).
Maas’s descriptions of settings. Very vivid and beautiful.


SOME OF MY PERSONAL DISLIKES:


Feyre’s importance to Tamlin and Rhysand never felt authentic. Both men’s attraction to her felt contrived.
The author’s repeated references to one soiling themselves, vomiting (far too many variations of it), and ineloquent statements like “my bowls turned watery.”


​CLOSING REMARKS:


Writing a book is a tremendous task. It requires immense dedication, and I have the utmost respect for anyone who attempts it. Mrs. Maas is clearly gifted, and the amount of work she has put into this work is by no means lost on her readers. My opinions on her novel are simply a reflection of my thoughts and feelings, and in no way a reflection of the quality of her work. What I might have difficultly resonating with might be the very thing another reader develops a deep connection with, and that is who the author writes for. Those who <i>do</i> connect with a story. I sure hope my opinions of this story do not deter anyone from experiencing its wonders for themselves, for there is a lot to enjoy, appreciate, and be in awe of.
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THE FRAY THEORY - WRAPPING ARCs

6/12/2016

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The Fray Theory - Resonance, Nelou Keramati, ARC, YA, Young Adult, Young Adult ARC, 2016, Fantasy YA, Urban Fantasy YA, Young Adult Fantasy, Young Adult Paranormal Romance, Romance YA, Paranormal YA, Best YA Books of 2016, YA debuts of 2016, Best Young Adult Novels, Most Anticipated YA Novels, The Hunger Games, Fandom, Bookish, Goodreads, Divergent, The Fault in Our Stars
For the past few days I've been wrapping ARC paperbacks of my debut novel, The Fray Theory - Resonance. It has been a ton of fun! Nothing makes me happier than to make my readers happy! :D

But physical ARCs can become very expensive, very quickly; there is the cost of printing, shipping to the author, gift-wrapping, and shipping (often internationally) to the beta-readers. And for a debut author with no income from her yet-to-be-published novel, this can become a big burden.

So I want to thank my readers for being so understanding and accepting digital ARCs whenever possible. And for those of you who'd like a chance to win one of the 12 pre-prized, autographed paperbacks, make sure you subscribe to my email list and you'll automatically be entered into my personal monthly draw!

​Thanks, and happy reading!

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Top Rankings for YA paranormal romance/urban fantasy novel: The Fray Theory - Resonance

5/15/2016

2 Comments

 
The Fray Theory - Resonance, Nelou Keramati, Fantasy Author, Debut Novel, Debut Author, Young Adult, Urban Fantasy, Paranormal Romance, YA, YA books of 2016, Best Young Adult Books of 2016, Best YA books, Best YA paranormal, Hunger Games, Divergent, Mortal Instruments, Lady Midnight, Sarah J Maas, Court of Mist and Fury, Court of Thorns and Roses, Goodreads
I am still recovering from the shock!
Today at 12:00am, my first Goodreads Giveaway ended with 2424 entrants.
What I wasn't expecting was for The Fray Theory to rank:

26th most requested book across ALL GENRES,
9th most requested in YOUNG ADULT,
and 2nd most requested in PARANORMAL!


I feel like I'm on cloud 9. This Giveaway has far exceeded my expectations, given that the book isn't even published yet!
I want to thank everyone who entered the Giveaway, and to let you know that you can still win your very own signed copy by signing up for my mailing list!

​And don't worry, I only email you once in a blue moon, and ONLY IF:


I'm releasing a book within the upcoming week,
I'm announcing a winner of my monthly draw,
My book is on a huge sale/promotion/free :)

Thanks for reading everyone!

2 Comments

Debut Author Interview - The Fray Theory (Resonance)

3/16/2016

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Hello everyone!
I'm happy to announce that my first author interview is now live on Ms. Berneta Haynes' blog. You can check it out here:
​ 
https://wakingwriter.com/2016/03/16/meet-fantasy-author-nelou-keramati/

Thank you Berneta for providing this wonderful opportunity. It's been a pleasure!

Nelou
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HTML Coding for Goodreads Buttons

2/21/2016

1 Comment

 
Say whaaat?
​
So today I tried to add some widgets to the site in order to link it to my Goodreads account. As someone who has never learned a thing about coding, I actually found it a very straight-forward thing to do (because the pros have made it easy, not because I'm particularly smart. Though my mom and dad tell me I am all the time, and I'm rather content with their bias). But then I was faced with an obstacle: unclickable buttons. And they were so cute that I wanted to add them to my site, so I emailed Goodreads, and in a flash (like always) they wrote me back, being awesome!

They told me I need a URL for each photo, and gave me a simple code that I would have to place the URL into. So naturally here I am, uploading a bunch of buttons I'm hoping I can sprinkle later into the site. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, the whole point of this blog post was uploading a bunch of buttons so I can assign URLs to them. If you're a computer pro and cannot believe you wasted however many seconds reading this, I am truly sorry :) But if you're like me, and would like to know how to add Goodreads buttons to your website and draw traffic to your books onto GR, then I think this will help! (Or so I hope. This is still in the experimental phase)

Here are the buttons:
​
Goodreads, Author, Nelou Keramati, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Young Adult, YA, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, Add Book, Books, Novels, Trilogly
Goodreads, Author, Nelou Keramati, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Young Adult, YA, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, Add Book, Books, Novels, Trilogly
Goodreads, Nelou Keramati, Author, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Young Adult, YA, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, Add Book, Books, Novels, Trilogly
Goodreads, Author, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Young Adult, YA, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, Add Book, Books, Novels, Trilogly
Goodreads, Author, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Young Adult, YA, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, Add Book, Books, Novels, Trilogly
Goodreads, Author, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Young Adult, YA, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, Add Book, Books, Novels, Trilogly
Hmm... Kinda looks like an ice-cream cone... Aren't they sexy!? They're sexy. Admit it. Except maybe the bottom two. I don't think they've even hit puberty yet. Awww bebe buttons!
I'm sorry. It's past 3 am and I'm a bit off my rocker. And manic. It's weird, but I get energetic when I'm exhausted.

Oh my god... I just realized all I have to do is link these images to my Goodreads page. Oh my GOD! I should NOT do things when I'm too tired to think smarter! UGH! MY PARENTS LIED TO ME!
1 Comment

Glint of Gold - Pre-Publication Journey

2/18/2016

0 Comments

 
The Fray Theory - Resonance - Nelou Keramati - Young Adult Novel - YA Novel - YA Trilogy - Paranormal Romance - Urban Fantasy - 2016 Debut Novel - Goodreads - Amazon - Kindle - Best YA Books
Over the past few days, I have been e-mailing ARC's of The Fray Theory to interested readers, and in the process, been overcome by emotions I was not at all anticipating.

Every writer dreams of their book reaching the masses on a grand scale. It is this dream that spurs us on. It is this hope that shatters our writer's block. This fantasy which lifts the burden of the world off our shoulders.

But what I wasn't expecting is the rush of sheer joy each and every time someone expresses genuine excitement over reading the book. The humility of someone referring to one of the characters as though they are a real person. The love and warmth of knowing a reader has stepped into your world, and in the process, learned of your deepest and darkest thoughts, and shared your most earth-shattering emotions.

I never knew what a privilege it is to be a writer... to conjure a shared experience for friends and soon-to-be friends alike.

I am so grateful for every one of you. Thank you.
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How to Make the Most Delicious Vegan Cookies!

1/16/2016

0 Comments

 
You can't. I tried.
0 Comments

What a Privilege it is to Grow Old - The Fault in Our Stars - A Review

1/3/2016

0 Comments

 

"Okay? Okay."

The Fault In Our Stars, YA Novel, Young Adult Novel, Young Adult, Contemporary, Review, Book Review, John Green, Nelou Keramati, Best Seller, The Fray Theory, Resonance, Best Young Adult Fiction, Fiction
By John Green
John Green’s approach to the ultimate existential problem (time) is rather brilliant. He has demonstrated with gut-wrenching accuracy, what it is like to feel like a ticking time-bomb, and what makes this love story exceptionally thought-provoking, is that it actually IS thought-provoking. Not simply because of its premise, but the way in which it is dealt with; seemingly mundane, and in every way imaginable, extraordinary.

For children to be grappling with life-crises most adults postpone until old age is heart-breaking as it is, but also unfathomably eye-opening. And the questions raised, while paint an ugly picture of the cruel reality of being ill, help extricate nuances (by definition, small and seemingly insignificant) which are surprisingly powerful in changing one’s mindset about why we are here, why it is transient, and whether or not that’s ok.

I was shook to the core by this narrative, and though it was becoming painful to sob uncontrollably every few pages or so, it was also incredibly cathartic because every single word confirmed a reality I know exists, but which I would never want to experience for myself.

The Fault in our Stars is unprecedented. It is raw, ugly, spellbinding, beautiful, infuriating, heart-breaking, and most importantly, it forces you to feel.

It has dawned on me that all things—whether in or out of existence—pertain to the ultimate existential crisis. Not simply as relevant to us as human begins, but as fundamental as what it means to be a rock. To be a collection of molecules devoid of what we as humans deem as ‘awareness’.

It would take a lifetime to decipher the enigma of what life is, and at best it seems, the most satisfactory conclusion is: that we simply do not know. And it can seem disheartening, not knowing what it is about life we cling onto so desperately, and why we fear its loss the most, even though there are losses far more excruciating within the realm of our experience: loss of hope, loss of freedom, loss of self, of dignity, of time.

And there it is: time. The one commodity we falsely assume we have enough of. And once you have managed to grapple with its uncompromising nature, once you think you have planned your life well enough to do all that matters to you with the time you've been given, you only wind up with more questions than answers; and not the kind of answers you find, but the kind of answers you concoct. And we do so, because not knowing what lurks in the dark is infinitely more terrifying than the death sentence itself.

So what it is about, this 'life'? Is it about living it as comfortably as you can manage? Is it about self-actualization? About leaving something behind? Is it ultimately about deciphering it? And most importantly, is this 'meaning of life' universal, or is it as personal as it can possibly get?

The most comfort I have found in questioning virtually everything there is to question has been this: That most certainly, the only thing certain thing about life and death is uncertainty. And I’ve found that acknowledging this fact has in many ways relinquished my responsibility of a life-long pursuit for answers I will never get. In some ways, that is the simultaneous beauty and pitfall of philosophy: raising more unanswerable questions, but broadening horizons in the process.

So what do you prefer? Do you prefer never loving, never laughing, never experiencing neither the peaks nor the valleys of life, so that once death comes, you can easily part with this ‘life’ you have not lived? Or do you want experience every beautiful and ugly facet of life alike, so that when it comes to part with it, you simply cannot?

It seems to me that if parting with my life is not the most tragic, frightening, and unbearable thing imaginable, then my dreams have not been big enough; that I have not been living a full enough life. And the last thing I'd want on my death-bed (or within the last seconds of still retaining my consciousness) is feeling like: 'I cannot believe I could, and I didn't.'

I believe not having anything to lose is the most tragic thing about loss.

But I want to know: what do you believe?
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Teetering on the Edge of Consciousness - The Death Analogy

11/18/2015

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With my publication deadline fast-approaching, I have been pushing to check things off of my To Do List. And by pushing, I mean waking up at 3:45a.m. and going to bed at midnight. And by going to bed, I mean refusing to allow the elixir of sleep to pull a veil over my consciousness because I simply have too much to resolve in my mind, still.

Never before--except perhaps during the year I was working on my Architecture Thesis Proposal--did I experience on a nightly basis what it's like to fall asleep. To actually experience the 'falling' asleep.

And let me tell you, it's as interesting as it is frightening.

Interesting, because--in conjunction with the Fray Theory--I find myself flooded with seemingly random thoughts and imagery. Without any provocation, I hear the voice of a strange man making a claim I have never heard before. I see people, characters, settings and scenarios so detached from my personal interest and experience that I have a difficult time believing they are a product of my own mental processes. It is interesting, because my consciousness feels less tied to my body, and more bound to the minds of others.

And it is frightening, because the fatigue from my daily endeavors prohibits me from continuing to walk this fine line, adamant to push me over the edge into a deep slumber. It is frightening, because it is what I imagine death to be like. A merciless tidal wave that will wash all traces of me away.

Fortunately, I have never been the type to discriminate between the emotions I feel, for as long as I feel, I know I am.

It makes we wonder though, about those thoughts and visions that prod me to question my existence beyond the mundane. I sincerely hope that demystifying the enigma will not disenchant me.

Good night :)
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Don't Read Me. Seriously.

11/11/2015

0 Comments

 
It is roughly 5:00am, and I am not up already, I'm up still.
I am fast approaching my January deadline for publishing The Fray Theory - Resonance, and I'm starting to freak out!

Do you know how hard it is to freak out when you're this tired? 

I"m sorry if you're still reading this. But hey, if you have time to kill, you should go to Google Images and look up 'Welsh Corgi Puppies Sleeping'.

You're welcome.
0 Comments
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