With my publication deadline fast-approaching, I have been pushing to check things off of my To Do List. And by pushing, I mean waking up at 3:45a.m. and going to bed at midnight. And by going to bed, I mean refusing to allow the elixir of sleep to pull a veil over my consciousness because I simply have too much to resolve in my mind, still.
Never before--except perhaps during the year I was working on my Architecture Thesis Proposal--did I experience on a nightly basis what it's like to fall asleep. To actually experience the 'falling' asleep.
And let me tell you, it's as interesting as it is frightening.
Interesting, because--in conjunction with the Fray Theory--I find myself flooded with seemingly random thoughts and imagery. Without any provocation, I hear the voice of a strange man making a claim I have never heard before. I see people, characters, settings and scenarios so detached from my personal interest and experience that I have a difficult time believing they are a product of my own mental processes. It is interesting, because my consciousness feels less tied to my body, and more bound to the minds of others.
And it is frightening, because the fatigue from my daily endeavors prohibits me from continuing to walk this fine line, adamant to push me over the edge into a deep slumber. It is frightening, because it is what I imagine death to be like. A merciless tidal wave that will wash all traces of me away.
Fortunately, I have never been the type to discriminate between the emotions I feel, for as long as I feel, I know I am.
It makes we wonder though, about those thoughts and visions that prod me to question my existence beyond the mundane. I sincerely hope that demystifying the enigma will not disenchant me.
Good night :)